If You Pardon the Pun
by Maaya
Summary: The little sense of tact Edward might once have had, must have resided inside either his right arm or left leg because he was significantly lacking anything that had to do with that particularly graceful trait in person.


Disclaimer: Same old. I don't own the characters. Blah.  
  
Warnings/Genres: silliness, bad humour, ficlet, first FmA fic, bad!fic, deliberate OOC, bad grammar (I'm from Sweden, and didn't want to find a beta for a fandom I might not write anything else in. My most humble apologies.)  
  
When I opened Microsoft Word, I was supposed to write down facts about electromagnetism as a reminder to an upcoming test. Obviously, it didn't quite turn out that way. ^^; I admit it; this plot is pathetic, overused and is merely poking fun at stuff in general. But, compared to electromagnetism which I don't really get, it was heavenly to write.  
  
Read at your own risk, ok? It is somewhat a bad!fic after all. I think.  
  
***  
  
If You Pardon the Pun by Maaya  
  
***  
  
Edward Elric, Fullmetal, was behaving strangely. Not that he wasn't always, he was a young genius and geniuses always had screw loose somewhere, Ed in particular - if you pardon the pun – but even for being Fullmetal, it was strange. Strange enough to make several people around him notice, at least.  
  
The young national alchemist was bratty, no doubts about it. Immature, yes. Awfully talented, one couldn't deny that. And yet, if there was one thing Ed wasn't; it would be tactical. The little sense of tact he once might have had must have resided inside either his right arm or left leg because he was significantly lacking anything that had to do with that particularly graceful trait in person. (And Roy, Al and Winry all doubted that auto-mail could make up for it, as much as Winry hated to admit there were things one couldn't install in metal. Not for lack of trying, of course.)  
  
So when Edward *gracefully* turned down an invitation – that was more like a demand from Winry – to drink his milk, he momentarily stunned her. When the girl came to her senses again (Ed had said 'no thank you'!) the boy was gone. Having left the milk, but whatever.  
  
The next one who noticed was Roy. He distractedly accepted a report from Edward with one hand, in the other holding a dirty magazine. More out of habit that real attention, he flung out a vague insult at the Fullmetal's high (or lack thereof) and as the expected fit of screaming didn't occur, he finally took his time to look up from aforementioned (and which you really don't want me to describe anyway) magazine.  
  
The short boy before his desk was yawning widely and cleaning out his ear with one finger, clearly not upset.  
  
"Anything else, Colonel?"  
  
Roy Mustang was for once speechless and only shook his head once, something that the Fullmetal took as an excuse to leave. He did so; red cloak swishing arrogantly behind him in a parody of that someone serious and...less bratty was wearing it.  
  
Third time is the lucky time. Not. When Ed didn't argue at all about who'd get which bed in their temporary hotel room, Alphonse choked. Unfortunately there aren't many things an empty suit of armour can choke on, so he ended up coughing because a surprised inhale of air that stopped midway down his...uhm...lungs. Okay, maybe not lungs, because as far as he knew, he didn't have any. He wasn't certain whether or not he really breathed like a human being either, but that was beside the entire point.  
  
Because of meddling from a certain author, the three shocked comrades ended up at a street-corner together.  
  
"There is something wrong."  
  
"Brother is acting strangely."  
  
"Ed was polite to me!"  
  
Winry's last exclamation described exactly the whole reason to their worries. Roy's eyes narrowed, bringing out the seriousness of the situation.  
  
"This is worse than I thought." He stated. "Something might be seriously wrong with Fullmetal."  
  
"What should we do about it?" Winry looked just as worried as she felt. (No one else than the author could say this because simply, Win didn't know how she looked at the moment and her companions didn't know how she felt.)  
  
"We need to." Roy paused dramatically. "Consider the reasons for his behaviour."  
  
"Maybe it is an impostor?" Al suggested.  
  
"A machine, designed to look like him!" Winry's eyes shone.  
  
"What if he's in love?"  
  
Two seconds after Roy's suggestion, they decided there were too many reasons to consider, and Edward was walking by anyway, so....  
  
"Maybe we should follow him."  
  
....they followed him. Into a café, where their suspect sat down at a table, leaned back, and...closed his eyes, relaxed.  
  
"What is he *doing*." Winry hissed as she tried to look through the window without *appearing* to look through the window. Ed had crossed his arms behind his head to create a head-rest  
  
Al failed terribly at trying to look unsuspicious because large armours are never *that* unnoticeable. But at least it created a great cover for Roy as he too looked through the window trying to catch sight of the blonde boy.  
  
He did, at the same time as a strangely familiar voice interrupted their antics.  
  
"Colonel?" Hawkeye looked at the lot of them, disbelieving. "May I ask what you are doing?"  
  
The three of them stared at her form before them. Hawkeye stared back at them, because it *was* Hawkeye, wasn't it, and not some kind of impostor.  
  
The woman had her hair down for once, and wore makeup (neither which any of the three had ever seen her with). Furthermore, she was dressed, well, cutely.  
  
"F-first lieutenant Hawkeye? Wh-what are you doing here?"  
  
The woman looked annoyed. "Why, I have a date with Ed." No more explanations were offered (not that anyone was in a state capable of actually asking) and she entered the café.  
  
Ten minutes later found the three companions openly staring through the window at the two happily chatting people inside.  
  
"Maybe it is an impostor...?" Al suggested lamely.  
  
"A machine, designed to look like him..." Winry's eyes had lost their shine.  
  
"What if...he's in love...?" Roy looked crestfallen.  
  
***  
  
The End  
  
***  
  
*blinks*  
  
*stares*  
  
I can't believe I wrote something with humour fitting my brother. Excuse me while I go and...somehow purifies my soul.  
  
For my first FmA fic, I wrote an Ed/Hawkeye fic. I can't believe this. 


End file.
